How to Deal With Moving Away From Family: 6 Practical Ways to Feel Less Alone

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Moving away from family has been one of the toughest decisions I’ve ever made. It’s been almost eleven years since I made the leap and moved abroad, yet it hasn’t got any easier.

It doesn’t get easier with time. Nor with every visit or goodbye. It’s hard every damn time.

I’ve been wanting to write this post for a long time, yet I didn’t know how. Every time I sit down to write it, I end up reminiscing, wondering what my life would look like if I hadn’t moved away from my family, and crying.

Or procrastinating.
Or scrolling through social media.

Basically, doing everything but getting vulnerable and confronting my feelings.

Moving away from family: my story

Moving away from home was a dream of mine since I was a teenager. I come from a toxic family, so staying close to them was never my goal. I had many ideas — the most sensible one was studying in a different part of the country — but my parents manipulated me out of doing it.

A year after graduating high school, I met a guy and moved away from my family to live with him. Abroad. In a country I’d never been to before, where I had no one else except him.

But it didn’t matter. All that mattered to me at the time was the fact that I was finally free — that I was an adult, living with my boyfriend without parental supervision.

Because yes, I genuinely believed that moving away from family would fix all my problems.

I didn’t know it wouldn’t fix trauma.
I didn’t know I’d still feel stuck in old patterns — like needing to please my parents — even years later.

I didn’t know they’d keep parentifying me for years to come. Or that I would still feel controlled in so many ways. It took me ages to feel confident enough to leave the house on my own. And it still feels strange sometimes to live without being controlled, told when to get back, or where I can or can’t go.

Moving away from family: guilt

Even after almost eleven years, I still get hit with moving-away-from-family guilt sometimes. I know I made the best decision, but there are moments when guilt overwhelms me.

Usually it happens when I find out someone got married, had a baby, or during Christmas — when I know everyone’s gathering, and we’re here in our own little bubble.

It’s silly, I know. I have no guarantee anyone would invite me to events even if I stayed in my hometown. Well, probably they wouldn’t — unless I kept people-pleasing and being the perfect daughter my parents always required.

But it doesn’t change the fact that I sometimes feel like I deprived my daughter of knowing what it’s like to have a big family — people to spend holidays with, or celebrate important moments with.

Moving away from family: grief

I knew moving away meant missing things in my family’s and friends’ lives. I accepted that when I moved.

What I didn’t expect was losing friends after moving away — or that parts of my family would cut ties with me, including people I thought I was close to.

That doesn’t make it any easier when something important happens and I’m not there.

Moving away gave me a fresh perspective on my life and the relationship I had with my family. I became more receptive to the idea that things might not have been as perfect as I’d believed (or tried to make them be).

Last year was the most difficult of all — grieving people who are still alive, but chose not to have anything to do with me. I stopped trying to stay in touch with them, and surprisingly, they haven’t tried to reach out even once.

To add salt to the wound, I went no contact with my parents after another manipulation stunt they pulled, which led to drastically worsening depression.

Grieving the relationships I wish I had has been extremely difficult. Even now, I still struggle with it. I keep wanting to reach out, and sometimes (regrettably) I do.

I keep wanting my daughter to meet them and know that, in theory, she has extended family. I keep wanting to be included in celebrations — even though I know it’s a one-sided dream.

I keep wanting to belong somewhere I don’t.

It gets easier with time, but not as much as I’d like. There’s still a lot of inner work left before I feel completely free of the grief and guilt.

Moving away from family: not everything is as bad as it might seem

Moving away from family is hard. Living abroad on your own can be even harder — especially once you have kids.

And still: I don’t regret it.

I’m deeply grateful for the opportunity to move abroad, however reckless it was. I wouldn’t have visited so many amazing places, lived by the sea, or built my own little business if I’d stayed in my hometown.

Moving away from family gave me more than it took, and I’m grateful for the life I have now.

6 tips that helped me deal with moving away from family

Book a trip back home (or plan a “next touchpoint”)

I visited my family three months after I moved away, and having that date in the calendar made a huge difference. I planned the trip and knew what I was looking forward to.

It’s easier to survive the first weeks when you know you’ll see them soon. Talk it through with the people you want to visit, make plans, get excited.

And if you can’t afford to visit right now… call them. Keep in touch in whatever way feels good and safe for you.

Moving away from family ≠ goodbye (but it can change things)

Moving away puts physical distance between you and everyone you know. It doesn’t automatically mean the relationship is over. You can still visit, write, and talk.

You can use social media to stay in touch too — but only if it helps, not if it makes you spiral.

Moving away isn’t the same as saying goodbye. Sadly, some relationships won’t survive. Life changes quickly, and you might not be as “available” as you used to be.

I lost friends after moving away. It wasn’t convenient for them to keep me around because I wasn’t as available to spend time together, and our lives and viewpoints changed.

Remember this: moving away from family means saying goodbye only to people who weren’t really in your life.

Keep some positives in view (without forcing it)

Leave sad thoughts behind you and try to find some positives in your new situation. Treat it as an adventure: get to know your new city, find places you love, remember why you moved.

Be patient with yourself. This is a completely new situation and it takes time to get used to it. Feeling sad, homesick, and even guilty is normal. Don’t let it stop you from living your life.

A gratitude journal can help — even one line a day.

Find comfort (busy hands, calm mind)

One of the best tips I can give you is to keep yourself gently occupied. Find a hobby, an exciting project, or simple things to do at home.

Build a new routine. You can include elements from the past — like eating dinner at the same time or going to a café on Sunday afternoons.

If falling back into old habits makes you sad and nostalgic, pause and adjust. Ask: what would make me feel better, not worse?

In situations like this, it helps to have a journal. Writing your thoughts down can help you get through difficult moments. Do it regularly and don’t beat yourself up for feeling this way.

Moving away from family is hard.

Make a memory box (if it soothes, not if it hurts)

Before moving away, collect keepsakes that genuinely comfort you: photos, letters, small items from childhood.

Anytime you get homesick, they can remind you of the good moments.

Bear in mind that sometimes keepsakes might trigger you more than they soothe you. I know they did for me for many, many years after I moved away from my family. In that case, skip this one.

Don’t avoid occasions to celebrate (build “new roots”)

Get involved in local life when you can. If you’re invited to something — a colleague’s wedding, a local event, a club — consider saying yes.

These are opportunities to make friends and feel less isolated. New experiences can lift your mood and help your new place feel more like home.

New people won’t replace your family. But good relationships can reduce loneliness and give you a sense of belonging.

I know none of these tips is an ultimate solution. Sometimes small support is all it takes to feel a little better.

Is it selfish to move away from family?

No. You’re not selfish for moving away from family, and you don’t have to feel guilty about it either.

You’re allowed to create the life you want — even if that means you don’t live next door to your parents.

It’s completely normal to want your own life and some distance, especially if your family is toxic and distance is the only way you feel safe.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to travel, explore, or look for a place where you feel like you belong.

Is it good to live away from your family?

It can be. You get to start fresh in a new place, maybe even a new country. Living away from your family can help you get to know yourself better and become more independent.

Is moving away from family hard?

Yes. Especially if you’ve never lived on your own before or you have a child.

It’s hard to spend Christmas away from loved ones, miss important events, and raise a child without family support nearby.

And moving away from family and friends sometimes ends relationships — even when you try hard to keep them.

What to do when you regret moving away from family

It’s common to regret moving — whether you moved away from family, or moved somewhere that turned out not to fit.

That happened to me too. Just before the first lockdown started, we moved across the country to a city we only knew through a friend’s stories. It was meant to be a great opportunity: better jobs, a bigger house, closer to the sea. We started regretting it within weeks.

Here are some things you can do when you regret moving away from family:

• Brain dump everything that’s making you feel this way.
• Check if there’s anything you can change to improve your situation.
• Talk to someone about it.
• Look at your situation from a different perspective.
• Make a pros/cons list of staying vs moving back. Journal it out. Avoid sudden decisions.
• Remind yourself why you moved in the first place.

Moving away from family for the first time

Moving away for the first time is difficult and full of uncertainty. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it.

Before you move out, make sure your reasons are solid, you’ve thought it through, and you can support yourself.

Living on your own is one of the biggest ways to discover yourself and become independent.

Let me know in the comments how you dealt with moving away from family. Do you have any tips worth sharing?

Moving away from family: conclusion

Moving far away from family isn’t for everyone. Some people have supportive families right next door — and that’s a real kind of luck.

But not everyone has that. And not everyone wants to stay in one place forever.

It’s your life and your choice. Do what feels best for you.